At RMPS, one of the most common things we hear from parents is:
“I just don’t understand why my child keeps doing this.”
Could be emotional outbursts, refusal to attend school, constant arguments, shutting down, or behaviours that seem to come out of nowhere. Parents often arrive feeling worried, frustrated, and unsure whether they are missing something important, or doing something wrong.
One of the first things we help families understand is this:
Children don’t behave “randomly.” Every behaviour serves a purpose.
From a therapeutic perspective, behaviour is communication. When children and teens don’t yet have the emotional language, insight, or regulation skills to express what they are feeling, they show us through their actions. The work is not about stopping behaviour. It’s about understanding what the behaviour is trying to achieve.
As artificial intelligence (AI) tools increasingly appear in parenting apps, educational platforms, and mental health spaces, families often ask whether AI can help them better understand their child. At RMPS, we see AI as a supportive tool, not a solution on its own. Used ethically and thoughtfully, it can help parents and clinicians notice patterns that are otherwise easy to miss.
This article explores how we understand behaviour at RMPS, why parents often feel stuck interpreting it, and how AI, when paired with human insight and relational work, can support deeper understanding.
How RMPS Understands Behaviour: It Always Makes Sense in Context
In therapy, we don’t ask, “How do we stop this behaviour?”
We ask, “Why does this behaviour make sense for this child, right now?”
Decades of psychological research support what we see clinically every day: behaviour is shaped by a child’s emotional capacity, nervous system, environment, and relationships. Children are not trying to be difficult; they are trying to cope.
From our perspective, challenging behaviours often reflect:
- Emotional overwhelm
- Anxiety or fear
- A need for control or predictability
- Difficulty with transitions or expectations
- Sensory overload
- Disconnection or unmet relational needs
When behaviour is viewed through this lens, it shifts the conversation from discipline to understanding, and from blame to curiosity.
The “Goal Behind Behaviour”: A Core Therapeutic Framework
At RMPS, we draw from well-established behavioural and developmental models that emphasize function over form. One widely supported framework is functional behaviour analysis, which focuses on what a child gains or avoids through behaviour rather than how disruptive it appears.
Research consistently identifies four primary goals behind behaviour:
- Gaining attention or connection
- Avoiding or escaping distress
- Accessing something tangible or preferred
- Regulating internal sensory or emotional states
When families understand this, many experience immediate relief. Suddenly, behaviour feels less personal and less confusing. It becomes something that can be understood, and therefore supported, rather than controlled.
Studies show that interventions targeting the function of behaviour are significantly more effective than those focused solely on compliance or punishment (Carr et al., 1999).
Why Behaviour Is So Hard for Parents to Decode Alone
Parents are deeply attuned to their children, and that emotional closeness is both a strength and a challenge.
Emotional Proximity Makes Objectivity Difficult
When a child is distressed, parents are affected too. Stress narrows perspective, making it harder to notice subtle patterns or triggers.
Behaviour Looks Different Across Settings
Many families tell us, “They’re fine at school, but fall apart at home,” or the opposite. Without seeing the full picture, behaviour can seem inconsistent or confusing.
Memory Is Not a Data System
Parents understandably remember the hardest moments most vividly. But memory alone often misses frequency patterns, environmental triggers, and what happens before and after behaviour.
This is where AI-supported tools can assist. Not by interpreting behaviour, but by organizing information in a way that supports insight.
How AI Can Support Behaviour Understanding (When Used Responsibly)
At RMPS, we do not view AI as something that replaces therapy, parental intuition, or relational work. Instead, we see it as a pattern-recognition aid that can complement human understanding.
Identifying Patterns Over Time
AI tools can help track:
- When behaviours occur
- What typically precedes them
- How adults respond
- What outcomes follow
Research shows that systematic behaviour tracking improves accuracy in identifying behavioural functions compared to recall alone (Lane et al., 2007). This can be especially helpful for families navigating chronic stress, ADHD, or neurodivergence.
Reducing Blame and Emotional Reactivity
When patterns are visible, behaviour feels less personal. Parents often shift from “They’re doing this on purpose” to “Something is happening consistently that we didn’t notice before.”
Decision-support tools in mental health have been shown to reduce punitive responses and increase caregiver reflection (D’Mello et al., 2019).
Supporting Reflective Parenting
Many AI-informed tools prompt parents to pause and reflect rather than react. This aligns closely with therapeutic approaches we use at RMPS, including reflective functioning and attachment-based work.
Reflective parenting, where caregivers consider the child’s internal experience, is strongly associated with healthier emotional development and stronger parent-child relationships (Slade, 2005).
What AI Cannot Replace (And Why That Matters)
While AI can be helpful in identifying patterns and organizing information, it cannot understand meaning on its own. It does not interpret emotional nuance, recognize the depth of a child’s relational history, or account for cultural and family context. AI cannot build trust, create emotional safety, or make moment-to-moment therapeutic judgments that are informed by lived experience and human connection.
At RMPS, we are clear about this distinction: relationship is the intervention. Tools and technology can support insight, but healing and growth happen through connection. Decades of attachment research consistently show that secure, responsive relationships; not techniques or tools, are the strongest protective factor for children’s mental health and emotional development (Bowlby, 1988; Siegel & Bryson, 2012).
Behaviour, Neurodiversity, and Misinterpretation
Many families we support are parenting neurodivergent children, including those with ADHD, autism, or sensory processing differences. These children are especially vulnerable to having their behaviour misunderstood.
What looks like:
- Defiance may be executive functioning overload
- Avoidance may be anxiety
- Meltdowns may be sensory overwhelm
- Shutdown may be emotional exhaustion
Research on neurodiversity emphasizes that behaviour support should focus on regulation, accommodation, and understanding, not normalization or compliance (Kapp et al., 2013).
AI can help identify environmental and sensory patterns, but interpretation must always be grounded in compassion and clinical understanding.
Ethical Use of AI in Parenting and Therapy
At RMPS, ethical considerations matter deeply in any conversation about AI and children. The use of AI must prioritize privacy and data protection, maintain transparency about how information is collected and used, and reflect a strength-based approach rather than a deficit-focused one. Equally important is the presence of human oversight, ensuring that technology supports thoughtful decision-making instead of driving it. Professional guidelines consistently emphasize that AI should enhance, not replace, clinical judgment and parental insight (American Psychological Association, 2023). Parents should feel supported and empowered through these tools, never monitored, evaluated, or judged.
From Insight to Action: What Helps at RMPS
Understanding the goal behind behaviour allows families to respond differently.
Instead of asking:
“How do we stop this?”
We ask:
“What is this behaviour protecting, expressing, or solving for this child?”
From this perspective, therapeutic work centres on helping children build emotional language, strengthen regulation skills, and experience environments that better match their developmental and sensory needs. It also involves adjusting expectations, repairing relational ruptures when they occur, and supporting parents in responding with calm, consistency, and attunement. Research consistently shows that when caregivers respond to underlying emotional needs rather than focusing solely on behaviour, children develop stronger self-regulation skills and greater long-term resilience (Morris et al., 2007).
Final Reflections from RMPS
Behaviour is not a problem to eliminate but it is an invitation to understand.
AI can help families see patterns more clearly. Therapy helps families understand what those patterns mean. And relationships are what allows children to feel safe enough to grow beyond their behaviour.
When parents begin asking, “What is my child really trying to achieve?” they move from reacting to responding, and from feeling powerless to feeling connected.
At RMPS, this is where meaningful change begins.
References
Carr, E. G., et al. (1999). Positive behavior support for people with developmental disabilities. American Association on Mental Retardation.
Lane, K. L., et al. (2007). RTI and behavior: A guide to integrating behavioral and academic supports. Guilford Press.
D’Mello, S., et al. (2019). Data-driven decision support in mental health interventions. Journal of Educational Psychology, 111(5), 847–862.
Slade, A. (2005). Parental reflective functioning. Attachment & Human Development, 7(3), 269–281.
Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. Basic Books.
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The whole-brain child. Delacorte Press.
Kapp, S. K., et al. (2013). Deficit, difference, or both? Autism and neurodiversity. Developmental Psychology, 49(1), 59–71.
Morris, A. S., et al. (2007). The role of the family context in the development of emotion regulation. Social Development, 16(2), 361–388.
American Psychological Association. (2023). Ethical considerations for AI in psychological practice.
